I GAVE YOU POWER

Words and images by Akintola Hanif

I remember the first time I ever saw a pistol. I had to be like 9. My pops had a lil’ 32 he kept in his drawer. Ever since then I wanted one. Coming up watching cowboys and indians, mobster movies, cop shows, gangster videos, it all translated: guns equal power. Rachet, blamma, banga, slammer, burner--whatever you call ‘em, they’re everywhere. I think I got my first ratchet when I was 19. It was a lil' 32 revolver. Since then I’ve had my hands on more than a few of them thangs: 32 revolver, 32 semi auto, 380 auto, 9mm ruger, 44 bulldog, 38 snub and an old shotti.

Who woulda thought that a vegetarian-raised, home schooled, tai-chi-and yoga-doing kid from Brooklyn Heights would get his hands on so many ratchets? That’s why it doesn’t shock me that there're so many guns in the hood. The only difference is I never shot nobody (came close to it a couple times). But these dudes out here killing each other left and right.

The first time I saw somebody get merked (killed) I was about 15. It was right across the street from Albany projects. I remember we were all just standing there talking and these two cats ran up, shot this dude in the head and ran off. That quick (about 30 seconds), dude was dead. He was standing like 50 feet away from me.

When I was about 19, I remember running around with a lil’ 38. snub, robbing people for weed money. I wound up getting shot with that same gun. Don’t get it twisted, I was never no real thug or criminal type dude. I was just in the hood succumbing to the pressures there. I remember one time I asked my mother for something to eat and my stepfather told me he left something in the refrigerator for me. It was some left over fried rice covered in chicken bones. I ain’t eat that shit. (Point being: we were poor and I was broke) With no real skill set, I started robbing and hustling.

When surrounded by violence, nine times out of ten, you adapt to that. Shit, we live a country that was built on guns and violence. The second amendment is "the right to bear arms.'' In rural areas, among white people, guns are celebrated with shooting ranges, the NRA, and gun shows. But when my people have guns, they’re denounced, even though Black on Black gun violence is at the bottom of the totem pole when it comes to violence and criminality in this country. Look at the violence we accept on a much larger scale: the wars in the Middle East and Africa, Oscar Grant, Troy Davis, Kenneth Harding, my man Earl Faison (killed while in police custody) the assassination of all our freedom fighters, the bombing of the MOVE organization in Philly...

A soldier who lived in my building gave me pictures of people that he and his platoon were raping and killing daily. The violence in our communities don’t compare to that and is merely a reflection of a mainstream culture obsessed with guns and violence. When you have marginalized, undereducated people who’ve been systematically oppressed they long for power of any sort. Guns give you that x 10.

It’s dead ass (wrong) that I had to go through all the shit I’ve been through to arrive where I am now. But when you look into the eyes of that 17-year-old kid that takes his rachet to school because he’s tired of people fucking with him, remember this: most of these gun-wielding, block-shootin-up young people are just kids looking for power. One of my dudes put it best: “Until we can walk around this motherfucker feeling safe, guns ain’t going nowhere.” Don't misinterpret all this gun talk though. I in no way condone the use of firearms and have since gotten rid of every ratchet I ever touched. I just understand the problem at its root.

Regardless of the conflicts we face, our response to oppression should never be I’m gonna kill or shoot one of my own people…in a perfect world. I know some of you won’t take it from me though, so listen to Bob Dylan:

Come you masters of war

You that build all the guns

You that build the death planes

You that build all the bombs

You that hide behind walls

You that hide behind desks

I just want you to know

I can see through your masks.

You that never done nothin'

But build to destroy

You play with my world

Like it's your little toy

You put a gun in my hand

And you hide from my eyes

And you turn and run farther

When the fast bullets fly.

- Masters of War